Who are YOU?

This is a funny story, especially if you KNOW me. Today I get up out of bed and just decided that since the day was full of parties, I might as well doll up a little (wear some make-up). Instead of the usual ponytail, sweatpants, t-shirt (the whole pajama look - I do every day). I found jeans and a nice dressy/casual shirt and since I straightened my hair last night that, I should throw on some make-up.

I get to party one - it was a 5th grader birthday party - you know just the usual parents lingering and having a great time. I actually played some intense dodge ball (see I needed my sweatpants), had some fun conversations, ate and mingled. It was almost time to wrap things up and a dad came over and said, "Hi, I am XXXX, my daughter is XXXXX, who are you?" I looked at the dad and was like are you for real, and politely said, "hey how are you, please don't shake my hand I had carpel tunnel surgery done" and a few seconds go by - I am wondering if maybe he was in a car accident or something, because I knew this man very well. So, I said - You know I am Jaden's mom - are you ok? You just never know if something medical had/is happening he could have been having a stroke, a heart attack or maybe a seizure - I was concerned and polite. He looked at me and was BEAT red and he said, a little bit quiet - "I am really sorry" "I really had no idea who you were, I saw you mingling and having a good time and it was the first chance that I saw you alone, to introduce myself and it is really embarrassing that I didn't recognize you" - "What have you done?" Well, not much really - just a little make-up. That can't be the only change? Yup, it is the only change. We chat for a few minutes and it was time to go.

We get in the car and start to head home and Jaden tells me, "my friends kept asking me who the new babysitter was at the party" now, I don't always hear what my kids wildly rant in the car and I guess I have to admit, I ignored him, but not on purpose. We get home to get ready for party number 2 and 3. Addison's mentor comes and gasped - "wow, I have never seen you with, with, with ..." and he never finished, because Jaden pipes up telling him that "all of his friends at the party wanted to know who my new babysitter was" I know what you are all thinking that I am up on this pedestal looking down and feeling I can conquer the world, right?

Absolutely, NOT!!!!! People are thinking I am a babysitter? What does a babysitter look like, anyway??? I am not taking this as a positive thing happening in my life - I mean I put make-up on and I look like a babysitter? Does that have any relation to looking like a hooker?? I am very self conscious now and there is NO time between parties to "change" anything. Shawn comes in the door and is very "interested" and we rushed out the door to our next venue. A birthday party for an 18 year old and then the parent party is upstairs (party #3).

We arrive and my kids walk in first (ok, run - they were way ahead of me) so, when I walk in the door they think I am someone else. Come on people!!! not that much changed. They too thought I was the kids "babysitter" waiting for their mom and dad to arrive. I make my way into the kitchen and my looks are the topic for the next 30 to 40 minutes and while I should be proud and all that - I was so self conscious. I kept running into the bathroom to make sure everything was in place and not running after my intense game of dodge ball. How can women want to keep this fake facade of wearing make-up if it changes a person so much? It made me self conscious, kept me wanting to make sure, things weren't getting worse, and made me look like a "babysitter" type person. Really, I want the topic to change - it just made me feel so ugly, uncomfortable, and oddly out of place. Eventually, everyone is able to stop looking at the PINK elephant in the room and we had a great time. Like everything else, everything has to come to an end.

So the adults are all starting to leave and we decide it is time, for us to leave, too. So we make parting ways to the new people we have met, and this guy said (this is no exaggeration either) "It has been nice looking at you all evening" EWWWW, did he really just say that?? I am so creeped out. We get home and I go to tell Shawn and he said "Ben Franklin enjoyed looking at my wife all evening" (he heard the guy make the statement, gosh so gross) Shawn is on this HUGE pedestal that his wife is a looker tonight and he was (and still is, because I haven't washed yet) a very proud man. REALLY?? all because of make-up.

So, does a little make-up define - WHO ARE YOU? Today it definitely defined me and made me feel oddly insecure and uncomfortable. I have NEVER thought I was a beauty of earthly tones - I have always considered myself average. I only spent time to take photos for this blog - I NEVER have done this ever - I hate every photo of me (including these in the blog) - and I think I am nothing to look at for sure. Anyway, I am who I am and if you don't like it, oh well, don't look then ...

Until next time...

I don't know, I mean in one sense it was nice that people noticed and made some very nice comments (I really am not complaining) and it did boost my self esteem (I am not going to lie), but it also made me feel like I was being a HO. Labeled the "babysitter", you may as well call me the local streetwalker, too. There is another whole side as to why I don't "make my self" up.

Here it is! It isn't that I am not worthy, or that I don't have the time, nor do I want to take the time. The reason I don't wear make-up is because, I am who I am and if people don't like it, don't look. It is really that simple. I am not self absorbed that I am willing to GIVE up time to make - up my face (so you all can enjoy it) for what reason? To ease you to look at me? then just don't look - is my attitude and today proved it. Make-up does more than change the look of oneself, for me it had more negative than a positive - I don't want to look like the "babysitter" and what does that mean anyway?