Believe it or not - I don't favor one side over another. I think if you choose to stay home and raise your kids, it is a great choice, but I also think it is a good choice if a parent NEEDS, or WANTS to return to work. I stayed home, and for us that wasn't the original plan, - I had to go back to work. After my harrowing delivery experience with Gage (I almost nearly died) the doctor wanted to make sure I had fully recovered, so I was continued on maternity leave an additional 10 weeks on top of the 8 for c-sect (normally it is 6 weeks, but my company gave 8). We also decided to use the FLMA (Family Leave / Materity Act). At some point, the company fired me while on FLMA,- Due to conditions of a legal agreement I am not allowed to discuss the situation any further. So, I got all this time off, then started to collect unemployment while trying to find something suitable for baby and me. There was nothing out there at the time (like there is today). I technically had to start over and it would just be about enough to pay for daycare. Maybe walk away with $50.00 a week. To me it wasn't worth putting my child into daycare and miss everything for $50.00 a week. I did keep my eyes open though.
Being home with a child and not having that access to adult conversations really did a lot of damage to my own self esteem. It was hard making new friends - everybody worked during the day, being home with a colicky crying baby for 24 hours a day (alright you got me exaggerating again, I am sorry - it was close to 18 hours a day then) and trust me when I say a baby does NOT make a great companion (Not much has changed now that they are older either, LOL - maybe because they are boys) I mean really how often can you sing "I am a little teapot ..." "the insi whincy spider went up the water ..." I think you get the idea. That Barney song just drove me absolutely insane and our home had a Barney Ban (If you're not sure of who Barney is - he sang "I love you, you love me..." just sickening annoying purple dinosaur).
If I could have the chance to redo things - I would have found any job and put all my kids (maybe not Addison - because, he spent the majority of his first two years in the hospital, so I probably would have gotten fired anyway) in daycare. I absolutely think if I had done daycare, the special needs I am encountering now would be at best minimal. I think daycare is a positive stimulating environment for children with special needs. I bet if a study was done on children and disabilities - the disabilities would be less severe with all that school stimulation at an early age. I can't change it back now, but it makes me wonder ... what if...
Not that you asked, but here is my food for thought: If your life screams two incomes than that is what you need to do. Remember, having a baby/child is stress, so if you add finances to that mix and then life starts to happen as in Murphy's Law the chance of your marriage surviving is very low. If it looks like doing daycare is only going to give you less than $100 per bi-weekly payments - the option of going back to work may not be viable. I suggest to cut out services to bare minimum items, like land line phone - especially if you have mobile. Only carry basic cable to get local programming (remember it won't always be this way). Never buy anything at full price, use coupons, shop around for best prices, make a list of needs, wants, must have, and save for. Put them in order according to how bad you want the items. Try to take at least $20.00 @ every paycheck and put it away, never touch - if you can't do that (like us) put all change in HUGE container and in a few short years this will be your vacation money. Everything is about budget and changing a lifestyle to be home with your child.
Another way of working around not paying for daycare (at first) is - work @ home. Become a licensed home day care provider, if that doesn't suit you; offer tutoring, after school care (for older kids); teach music lessons (if you play an instrument); there are legal services looking for people type court hearings. They have delivery services from door to door and best of all, you get paid to type and be with your child. The worst mistake is to locate one of those too good to be true business opportunities, Don't DO IT. If you have to pay to buy in, FORGET about it. Companies are looking for telecommuters, in this day and age, to work from home. Beware, because these companies expect you to work normal business hours and some babies could make it difficult (really depends on the baby's personality) without securing full day daycare. You also have to be a very motivated AND a dedicated worker, for this arrangement to work out.
Being home with your child or children does open up windows to finish or better your career, of course, this option cost money to finish or further your education - the trade off here is that the government, today is wanting to help those people who are willing to work for that grant money, it is often viewed as difficult to get it, but if you don't give up this could be the best viable option for the whole family.
Just as electronics are changing by leaps and bounds daily, requirements for our children's education change equally as fast. I think the best option, today, is that children attend daycare by age 3 (at the absolute latest, I recommend 18 months - 2 years). Gone are the days of doing two days a week, they need to be there all 5 days in order to get the most out of. Believe it or not, the kids learn to sit, follow their peers, stay on task at such an early age, that if your child misses this part of learning, the chances of an ADHD or ADD diagnoisis is increased by about 70% to 80%. It is ok, to do half days - but to get the full benefits of starting early with education is to have them enrolled 5 days a week. Mornings are best for young children, they are bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to go after having a 8-12 hours of sleep. Going to school in the afternoon (after a two hour nap) well, you take a nap and see how you are able to focus and sit to learn something - it is difficult.
To summarize everything - If you have to work, WORK! If you choose to stay home, be sure to enroll your child as soon as possible in daycare/nursery school to get that education stimulation as early as possible. If you are at home, make the best of the time for both you and your family. Research all grants and take advantage of them. It will be work, to get it; but the pay off could be huge. If you absolutely need an income - research your area. Believe it or not your local Child Protective Services center (CPS) will have the absolute MOST amount of information for your area - good place to start your research. They should have information on jobs (becoming a licensed home day care provider), plus many other options. Your local college institution should also have a lot of resources, even if you are NOT a student. If you have a service to provide to other students, this is a good start to get your name out there for free.
I wish many blessing to any family that reads this and hope that it enables you to discover options that are best for your own family. While these are my own beliefs, please don't shoot the messenger, these are just my thoughts. Before making a commitment please do all of your own research, I would hate for a family to rid all of their splurge expenditures to find out that ends still can't be met. No matter your choice, life is hard - be sure you live to the fullest you can. Live with the attitude of "Can do anything". and Live well my friends, live well.
Do all the good you can... To all you can... and as often as you can... Blessings, Diane
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
All about add a son... Addison
I filled you in on Gage's pregnancy, now it is time to tell you about Addison. I had an amnio test done due to the fact, another test revealed a possible birth defect. Well, the amnio test came back as finding a problem with the baby and it revealed that Addison had Spina Bifida (the numbers were low, but claimed we were expecting an abnormal child) and I had to have ultra sound scans that seemed to be weekly - they were looking for a hole in his spine. It could be huge or it could be small, they insisted we know so we could be well informed and they never found one. They were also keeping an eagle eye out on this pregnancy since my first one nearly killed me (literally). When Addison was born he was whisked away, to have tests run and done. They returned him to me and all they found was a small little dimple on his back right above his spine (and it was the cutest dimple (you can't even see it now) of where the small anomaly was. He must be thoroughly checked for scoliosis and there have been some changes, but nothing significant needing medical intervention.
Addison practically lived in the hospital for the first two years of his life. He got everything, any illness or sickness any baby could get plus some. He had tubes (in his ears) numerous times so much that he suffered some hearing loss, but our insurance at the time wouldn't cover hearing aids for him. By the time we had insurance to cover them, his hearing had improved enough not to qualify for them so we were told as he grows the scar tissue will get less and less. When Addison was three, I decided to have his tonsils and adenoids removed (the pediatrician did NOT back my decision), but it was the best decision I have ever made, Addison has NOT been in the hospital overnight since.
Addison was closely monitored by doctors for a long time and there really was no need for the visits to continue. So now he has ONE doctor. Praise the Lord. We know he will need to have an Orthopedic type spine doctor when he gets older, but for now - we just have thorough scoliosis checks and X-Rays every few years to check for changes. We have a friend whose daughter has Spina Bifida and to say Addison has it, just seems to be considered as salt in a wound. Addison suffers from a seizure disorder and that too has subsided into petite mal seizures it is extremely manageable, which unbelievably could be from Spina Bifida. I have also recently learned that children born with spina bifida seem to be at a greater risk of any and all types of infection, which could explain his first two years of life.
Jaden, oh boy my Jaden. We opted to have every test available during this pregnancy, so we could be ready for whatever this new darling bouncing baby would bring. Imagine our surprise when they said, "The fetus (gosh I hate that word, it is a baby) appears to be developing normal in every aspect" and "all the tests have come back within "normal" limits". Ok, a no surprise type baby - I like that and certainly can handle it. Jaden was born on his due date, however I was in labor in the HOSPITAL for 3 or 4 days before I just gave up and said, just get the baby out. I really, really wanted to try to deliver him and my doctors were so good to me to let me have that control. Gage was C-Sect under full anesthesia and Addison they let me have contractions, but they said, it would be best to deliver him via C-section under local anesthesia. I just wanted to try for that v-bac, for my 3rd pregnancy. After nearly reaching a full week in labor (apparently I had been having contractions at home for a few days before mentioning it to the doctor who instantly admitted me into the hospital) I just gave up and had another c-sect for our third boy. I never knew for any of the pregnancies what I was having and although I could find out definitely with the last two, I remained faithful in not wanting to know until they arrived. I was still (secretly hoping for a girl). Everything was unremarkable for Jaden until he was 3. Aside some minor issues, but the biggest event took place when he was 3. Jaden will have his own post, so be on the look out for it.
I do have to tell this story it is so funny and scary at the same time. Addison God bless this child, he means so well and he really LOVES everyone. I think Jaden was about 5-6 weeks old and I had Jaden swinging in his swing and I was doing something else, not too far away. I hear this muffled choking kind of sound and I ran to Jaden ripped him out of his swing, called 911, and was sticking my fingers into Jaden's throat dislodging a ... cookie, cracker, goldfish??? As I am on the phone, receiving directions, I see this man running with some bag and jumping over flowers coming closer and closer to my home, meanwhile I was still receiving directions and my front door swung wide open - it was the maniac that was running and jumping over things down the street. I tried to hang up with 911 - they even said "that was record time for a response and they didn't believe me at first that someone was there to help". When the officer arrived 911 felt comfortable in releasing the call as responded. The first responder only lived a few houses up the street and when he heard it was a newborn he knew there wasn't time to waste. They get Jaden stabilized and he did need some oxygen (not too much) and they want to know what happened. Well, I hadn't a clue - I didn't give him any food.
Addison was talking to all the police and ambulance people and they couldn't believe he was only 2.5 - he was a highly verbal child. So, the police asked him what happened - boy this child, this child of mine - he told them "I NEVER feed Jaden and Jaden is VERY hungry" Uh huh, so did you help mommy feed baby Jaden? (the police officer asked, Addison) "Yes, but he was sleeping - he opened his eyes - he was very hungry" now, I know you see this developing story and while this is serious - I found it incredibly difficult to remain serious - I do believe that some of the emergency workers felt the same way, too. Addison is about to further tell the story of how neglectful I am as well.
You have to remember Addison was practically raised in the hospital. I had constant help, when ever he stopped breathing or his heart slowed down enough to sound the alarms, etc you get the point, I always had help and there were always all these people around. He tells the officer that I don't feed Jaden, and then officer gives me a look of "you will have your turn in a minute", then goes on to say that nobody cares for him. He just lays on the floor, and in his bed and mommy leaves him to cry in the swing. I am ready to choke this lovely child of mine.
Woohoo it is my turn to speak. You have to take everything for face value when talking to a 2.5 year old and in Addison's eyes - Jaden NEVER ate - All of my kids were nursed, heck only Gage had bottles, because he couldn't get the latch-on process, so I pumped and put into bottles for him. So, yes, technically Jaden didn't eat. I now have three boys, and a changing station had become quite the hazard in the home it just screamed, "climb me and jump" so Jaden had the unfortunate experience of being changed on the floor. As for not being cared for, well that can be easily explained to a police officer, but not a young child. Jaden had to be left many of times, even in great distress, and that included times of near starvation, and hark let lightening strike me now - he had to be left in his crib - when I was tending to other important duties such as; retrieving children climbing to dangerous heights on tables, counters, toys you name it if it was dangerous, my kids climbed it. So forgive me, if I left Jaden in his crib to finish his nap and he woke up while I was saving someone else's life. Surely you can forgive me.
Here is what we think happened. I had just finished feeding Jaden and placed him in his swing and started to do stuff in the kitchen to prepare for lunch. Addison had been given some crackers, earlier and decided himself that since he never sees mommy feed Jaden some food, he must be hungry by now. For fear that Jaden's life would end early due to starvation, he gave Jaden a cracker and when Jaden didn't respond (because he was sleeping) he crammed or pushed it further back into his tiny mouth. That is when I heard the muffled choking and I immediately dialed 911. I wasn't going to wait to see if he was breathing, they were coming no matter what. The officers were so good, (mainly because they didn't arrest me, LOL,) they played with Addison and did such a great job in educating Addison that the food Jaden received and needed right then wasn't the same type of food that he required. I can't even imagine the post I would have to do if they did arrest me. I think that would have sent Addison over the edge though. He is such a funny boy and his love of people will either be his biggest asset or be his biggest demise. I am praying for the first one.
Until next time...
Addison practically lived in the hospital for the first two years of his life. He got everything, any illness or sickness any baby could get plus some. He had tubes (in his ears) numerous times so much that he suffered some hearing loss, but our insurance at the time wouldn't cover hearing aids for him. By the time we had insurance to cover them, his hearing had improved enough not to qualify for them so we were told as he grows the scar tissue will get less and less. When Addison was three, I decided to have his tonsils and adenoids removed (the pediatrician did NOT back my decision), but it was the best decision I have ever made, Addison has NOT been in the hospital overnight since.
Addison was closely monitored by doctors for a long time and there really was no need for the visits to continue. So now he has ONE doctor. Praise the Lord. We know he will need to have an Orthopedic type spine doctor when he gets older, but for now - we just have thorough scoliosis checks and X-Rays every few years to check for changes. We have a friend whose daughter has Spina Bifida and to say Addison has it, just seems to be considered as salt in a wound. Addison suffers from a seizure disorder and that too has subsided into petite mal seizures it is extremely manageable, which unbelievably could be from Spina Bifida. I have also recently learned that children born with spina bifida seem to be at a greater risk of any and all types of infection, which could explain his first two years of life.
Jaden, oh boy my Jaden. We opted to have every test available during this pregnancy, so we could be ready for whatever this new darling bouncing baby would bring. Imagine our surprise when they said, "The fetus (gosh I hate that word, it is a baby) appears to be developing normal in every aspect" and "all the tests have come back within "normal" limits". Ok, a no surprise type baby - I like that and certainly can handle it. Jaden was born on his due date, however I was in labor in the HOSPITAL for 3 or 4 days before I just gave up and said, just get the baby out. I really, really wanted to try to deliver him and my doctors were so good to me to let me have that control. Gage was C-Sect under full anesthesia and Addison they let me have contractions, but they said, it would be best to deliver him via C-section under local anesthesia. I just wanted to try for that v-bac, for my 3rd pregnancy. After nearly reaching a full week in labor (apparently I had been having contractions at home for a few days before mentioning it to the doctor who instantly admitted me into the hospital) I just gave up and had another c-sect for our third boy. I never knew for any of the pregnancies what I was having and although I could find out definitely with the last two, I remained faithful in not wanting to know until they arrived. I was still (secretly hoping for a girl). Everything was unremarkable for Jaden until he was 3. Aside some minor issues, but the biggest event took place when he was 3. Jaden will have his own post, so be on the look out for it.
I do have to tell this story it is so funny and scary at the same time. Addison God bless this child, he means so well and he really LOVES everyone. I think Jaden was about 5-6 weeks old and I had Jaden swinging in his swing and I was doing something else, not too far away. I hear this muffled choking kind of sound and I ran to Jaden ripped him out of his swing, called 911, and was sticking my fingers into Jaden's throat dislodging a ... cookie, cracker, goldfish??? As I am on the phone, receiving directions, I see this man running with some bag and jumping over flowers coming closer and closer to my home, meanwhile I was still receiving directions and my front door swung wide open - it was the maniac that was running and jumping over things down the street. I tried to hang up with 911 - they even said "that was record time for a response and they didn't believe me at first that someone was there to help". When the officer arrived 911 felt comfortable in releasing the call as responded. The first responder only lived a few houses up the street and when he heard it was a newborn he knew there wasn't time to waste. They get Jaden stabilized and he did need some oxygen (not too much) and they want to know what happened. Well, I hadn't a clue - I didn't give him any food.
Addison was talking to all the police and ambulance people and they couldn't believe he was only 2.5 - he was a highly verbal child. So, the police asked him what happened - boy this child, this child of mine - he told them "I NEVER feed Jaden and Jaden is VERY hungry" Uh huh, so did you help mommy feed baby Jaden? (the police officer asked, Addison) "Yes, but he was sleeping - he opened his eyes - he was very hungry" now, I know you see this developing story and while this is serious - I found it incredibly difficult to remain serious - I do believe that some of the emergency workers felt the same way, too. Addison is about to further tell the story of how neglectful I am as well.
You have to remember Addison was practically raised in the hospital. I had constant help, when ever he stopped breathing or his heart slowed down enough to sound the alarms, etc you get the point, I always had help and there were always all these people around. He tells the officer that I don't feed Jaden, and then officer gives me a look of "you will have your turn in a minute", then goes on to say that nobody cares for him. He just lays on the floor, and in his bed and mommy leaves him to cry in the swing. I am ready to choke this lovely child of mine.
Woohoo it is my turn to speak. You have to take everything for face value when talking to a 2.5 year old and in Addison's eyes - Jaden NEVER ate - All of my kids were nursed, heck only Gage had bottles, because he couldn't get the latch-on process, so I pumped and put into bottles for him. So, yes, technically Jaden didn't eat. I now have three boys, and a changing station had become quite the hazard in the home it just screamed, "climb me and jump" so Jaden had the unfortunate experience of being changed on the floor. As for not being cared for, well that can be easily explained to a police officer, but not a young child. Jaden had to be left many of times, even in great distress, and that included times of near starvation, and hark let lightening strike me now - he had to be left in his crib - when I was tending to other important duties such as; retrieving children climbing to dangerous heights on tables, counters, toys you name it if it was dangerous, my kids climbed it. So forgive me, if I left Jaden in his crib to finish his nap and he woke up while I was saving someone else's life. Surely you can forgive me.
Here is what we think happened. I had just finished feeding Jaden and placed him in his swing and started to do stuff in the kitchen to prepare for lunch. Addison had been given some crackers, earlier and decided himself that since he never sees mommy feed Jaden some food, he must be hungry by now. For fear that Jaden's life would end early due to starvation, he gave Jaden a cracker and when Jaden didn't respond (because he was sleeping) he crammed or pushed it further back into his tiny mouth. That is when I heard the muffled choking and I immediately dialed 911. I wasn't going to wait to see if he was breathing, they were coming no matter what. The officers were so good, (mainly because they didn't arrest me, LOL,) they played with Addison and did such a great job in educating Addison that the food Jaden received and needed right then wasn't the same type of food that he required. I can't even imagine the post I would have to do if they did arrest me. I think that would have sent Addison over the edge though. He is such a funny boy and his love of people will either be his biggest asset or be his biggest demise. I am praying for the first one.
Until next time...
On account of abuse pt. #3.
Foster family #4 is now, known as my MOM and DAD. Yes, they adopted me, but they deserve nothing less than to be called my MOM and DAD, because they had a shell of an 8 year old (I weighed 32.4 pounds at 8 years and 3 months) little girl that was frightened and terrified of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I hid under the table at every noise and sound, retreated to the same place when I got a boo boo (got blood everywhere and mom wasn't too happy about it on her carpet, I just didn't want that band aid), refused alone time with my dad, after all, "all love from a man is going to hurt" and I wanted no part of it.
Now this is the extreme short story. My records are a staggering 10 pound pile of papers, the abuse from my step-dad is NOT in any reports, so it is uncertain if bio mom knew or hid the information, but I do remember. My mom insists there is more to my records than my 10 pound pile. For the 1970's this is really unheard of, things weren't kept on record or at least NOT to this magnitude. The fact, that I have records is in itself amazing.
I have a really close relationship with my bio aunt to this day and to me this is the only way for me to heal. I was apparently to her - EVERYTHING. I have trouble to this day believeing that I meant SOMETHING to someone, not to mention that she is a piece of my TRUE biological family.
They say everything is relative to something and I guess the abuse had a negative impact, thus creating relativness in my life. But, I don't think I am a negative spark in life that people made me out to be. I suppose I could have crawled in a hole and died like everyone wanted me to. I guess I could beat my kids into submission to be obiediant and submissive and not suffer through all the disorganization in my life. I guess I could just leave and let other people just deal with the mess I have made of things. I guess I could do all of this stuff because it is expected of me NOT to prevail and break through the walls of my hellish life. But, no people still often see me as a negative force (they probably won't read this, well, because I amsmart STRONG enough not to let them back into my life) and all I want to say is that - I am a constant piece of work, everyday is a struggle and everyday is a day to work on something I am facing that would have been enough to place me in a padded room several years ago (remember BC, before children). I have to admit - I have a hard time making and keeping friends. I have never trusted anyone long enough to try (with the exception of my huband) and I probably won't ever to be able to. I do have friends, but they are always kept at an arms distance away, I never call and invite ANYONE to hang out for a day, I NEVER hang out with a friend to just hang out and be women on a mission of fun, I never do girls day or night. I wouldn't know what to do, what to say, but my most prized relationship is with my husband. He has been my best friend for more than half my life and even after 16 years of wedded bliss we are very happily married. Having kids definitely has dented my ability to think I can, I think I can. But, then again, a few of my friends say they go through the same thing and they say they had a "normal" upbringing. So, do I dare say I am "normal" - Well, I don't dare venture to the "normal" side of things, just as I won't allow myself to hang out on a chance. I will keep thinking things through, rationalize if, what, when, and how and by the grace of God live beyond what the statistics said or continues to show about people "who were abused."
To my friends who read this, what is there for me to say other than, I am sorry. Some of you know I was abused, but I guess, I just never put myself out there to trust in you or our friendship (I am sorry). There are so many other things I wanted to discuss and shovel this as far away from the surface as I could, I just want "normal" conversations. The other aspect really is nothing other than I never wanted to recount thy ways of growing up. I never wanted or anticipated that I could be so public about this pain - it just happened. Yeah, I was never going to recount thy ways of said endured abuse. I just pray you are able to forgive me.
For those just joining, my blog will NOT discuss child abuse or surviving it. This is a one time 3 part post and I am planning on moving on from here. I have left out names for a reason, please don't try to figure out if I am a long lost sibling or you think you may be bio mom, because I have ZERO interest in getting to know a person that HAD the capability to HATE their own offspring. I have an ANGER burning inside me regarding my bio mom and have NO interest in her, what SHE was going through, nor do I feel that she have any right or need to explain her side. She beat her side into me for years on end, even after several separations. I have a MOM and my MOM loves and cares for me. I have a link to my bio family and that is good enough, thank you auntie. I have loved making memories and traditions with you and your own family and I think my kids have too. (please don't repond here, send private email) Sign up with a false name, Elmer Fudd would be good, LOL and respond away. Anyway...
Do all the good you can... To all you can... and as often as you can... Blessings, Diane
P.S. There were so many questions and I am not going to answer them individually, I am hoping my honesty will answer the many questions you had. Feel free to leave comments, but this will be my FINAL post about my abused living.
P.S.S. I will not answer questions, nor do I want to share this to make a book deal - ARE you for real??? go away. The only person that is going to write a book about this will be ME and NO ONE else. Be gone with you I say - I vanquish you to sick city - to relish in someone else's pain - you got issues.
Now this is the extreme short story. My records are a staggering 10 pound pile of papers, the abuse from my step-dad is NOT in any reports, so it is uncertain if bio mom knew or hid the information, but I do remember. My mom insists there is more to my records than my 10 pound pile. For the 1970's this is really unheard of, things weren't kept on record or at least NOT to this magnitude. The fact, that I have records is in itself amazing.
I have a really close relationship with my bio aunt to this day and to me this is the only way for me to heal. I was apparently to her - EVERYTHING. I have trouble to this day believeing that I meant SOMETHING to someone, not to mention that she is a piece of my TRUE biological family.
They say everything is relative to something and I guess the abuse had a negative impact, thus creating relativness in my life. But, I don't think I am a negative spark in life that people made me out to be. I suppose I could have crawled in a hole and died like everyone wanted me to. I guess I could beat my kids into submission to be obiediant and submissive and not suffer through all the disorganization in my life. I guess I could just leave and let other people just deal with the mess I have made of things. I guess I could do all of this stuff because it is expected of me NOT to prevail and break through the walls of my hellish life. But, no people still often see me as a negative force (they probably won't read this, well, because I am
To my friends who read this, what is there for me to say other than, I am sorry. Some of you know I was abused, but I guess, I just never put myself out there to trust in you or our friendship (I am sorry). There are so many other things I wanted to discuss and shovel this as far away from the surface as I could, I just want "normal" conversations. The other aspect really is nothing other than I never wanted to recount thy ways of growing up. I never wanted or anticipated that I could be so public about this pain - it just happened. Yeah, I was never going to recount thy ways of said endured abuse. I just pray you are able to forgive me.
For those just joining, my blog will NOT discuss child abuse or surviving it. This is a one time 3 part post and I am planning on moving on from here. I have left out names for a reason, please don't try to figure out if I am a long lost sibling or you think you may be bio mom, because I have ZERO interest in getting to know a person that HAD the capability to HATE their own offspring. I have an ANGER burning inside me regarding my bio mom and have NO interest in her, what SHE was going through, nor do I feel that she have any right or need to explain her side. She beat her side into me for years on end, even after several separations. I have a MOM and my MOM loves and cares for me. I have a link to my bio family and that is good enough, thank you auntie. I have loved making memories and traditions with you and your own family and I think my kids have too. (please don't repond here, send private email) Sign up with a false name, Elmer Fudd would be good, LOL and respond away. Anyway...
Do all the good you can... To all you can... and as often as you can... Blessings, Diane
P.S. There were so many questions and I am not going to answer them individually, I am hoping my honesty will answer the many questions you had. Feel free to leave comments, but this will be my FINAL post about my abused living.
P.S.S. I will not answer questions, nor do I want to share this to make a book deal - ARE you for real??? go away. The only person that is going to write a book about this will be ME and NO ONE else. Be gone with you I say - I vanquish you to sick city - to relish in someone else's pain - you got issues.
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