I got snowed

If you live in the, Northwest part of the United States you know this title is fitting for any mom, let alone any mom with children with special needs. Weekly and consistant snow and ice are keeping our children from attending school.

It was nice for the first two, but now the weekly worse than last weeks storms are killing me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE snow, and I have to admit, I love my kids - I would rather they be in school instead of being home fighting with each other and myself.

Everybody wants my attention at the same time for something different and for reasons unknown, I can't do it all. I do try and fail massively and someone ends up with hurt feelings. Today our middle son was on a mission of self preservation of being the "BEST" child. He tattled on everything. My youngest insisted on breaking several things useful for conditions outside and doesn't know how or why they broke and of course the ever - "I didn't do it". Our oldest is good at sneaking around causing trouble where it isn't necessary. He is good at threats and physical fighting.

So, now imagine being home with all of this for TWO DAYS straight, while hubby is working. It took me hours to clean up the mess (the breakfast) that they had - that seemed to span two to three rooms. My house isn't ever ready for Good Housekeeping, and will never be - but the mess was enough to make the best of man to gasp. ***OOOOHHHHH MY********

Help I am snowed in and can't get away from my own children or house - spring please come early.

Until next time.

Where is my goat?

When I first started writing venting in this blog I wanted to feel a sense of peace in letting things go. I suppose it would have helped to write about the events that have me in my current predictament.

My current status is depressive as ONE can get without being hospitalized. My body is so jumping and I can't relax and oh, don't think to talk to me with those eyes, I may rip them out.

This all started when my 15 year old bi polar abusive son said some hurtful things. The next day he said something really cruel (which I wanted to knock his block off). Yesterday as I lie in bed, he became so verbally abusive to me - that for his own safety I remained in my room until Shawn got home.

Many of you may not know, but I was abused in every way possible and when I got married I had this awesome sense of freedom - marriage was my escapegoat of everything I had gone through. Shawn has always promised he would never harm me and I believe him. I was living this happy life with bumps in the road. Now I want to know where my goat is? Where can I escape too now that my son is abusing me.

I hate life. I feel lost, I feel so defeated, beat down and exhausted. I am so jumpy maybe I am anxious. I feel that I have already been through enough being abused, why do I have to endure more from my OWN son. I feel like I need to leave, but I love my husband - my kids hate me and never follow the rules.

I just can't handle anymore "your son did ...." "he got an.... on the test what happened?"

We have removed all video games during the school week - and I am planning to tell them summers only. These kids don't turn papers or reports on time. Addison hasn't turned in a term paper on time in 3 years.

If anyone can help find my goat leave your comment. Thank you. I am desperately seeking refuge if even for a few hours