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Friday, July 30, 2010

Lions, Tigers, and BEARS – oh my!!!!


We all survived the first year, Gage had his first illness at 18 mos. an ear infection. He was a gorgeous toddler most of the time he was all smiles, but boy did he not like the word "NO". Most parents that I talked to, said they were shocked their own kids didn't think their names started with NO. So, we are normal. You really do wonder though.
Year two. Gage is pretty active and when his feet hit the floor he ran in the opposite direction that I wanted him too. He isn't talking at all and walks on his toes, but I am being patient. Well, I knew something wasn't right – I start with a specialist. It always best to start early with any problem and we were expecting delays or issues due to his premature birth. We have a speech delay and possible learning delays. I am about to busier, Gage has a brother or sister coming.
Addison (a boy) came late about a week and was born on October 5, 1997 by c-section (no not planned – I wanted v-back), but he was a big boy 8 lb 6oz. He had the chubbiest cheeks. Another stunning beautiful boy. There were absolutely no issues during the pregnancy – overall a dream, yet Addison is about to turn our world upside down for over two years. At just a few weeks Addison ran 103 fever and was admitted to the hospital He had RSV that developed into pneumonia. We were home for a week and he developed projectile vomit – back in the hospital. Addison basically lived the first three years of his life in the hospital. It was absolutely amazing to hear him talk at 9 months and talk in 3 word sentences by 1 year. He was also walking at 9.5 months and running within a week. I made the decision to have Addison's tonsils removed hoping it would help reduce his illnesses and get some hearing back. Our pediatrician was less than thrilled by my decision, but we felt we had nothing to lose. It was the best decision ever – Addison has not returned to the hospital for an overnight since. His last sets of tubes were allowed to fall out and no further tubes would be replaced. There were several miracles we experienced with Addison, which brought us new faith in the walk of Christ. Addison started pre-school at a Christian School, which he still attends today. Addison loves sports, being outside, daddy's helper and just about everything he tries he does well. Sorry I need to brag a little – Addison tests post high school for most subjects. He is entering 8th grade, but should be in 7th. You will hear more about Addison in blogs to come that may fill in some of the holes.
At three Gage starts preschool for children with special needs – may God bless those teachers. Gage definitely gave them a run for their money. He was very active and devious. I had told one of the case managers, that I felt Gage didn't want to make us happy. He seemed to go out of his way to frustrate us. Well, the case manager shot back with "every child wants to please their parents", I had no idea that years later that those FEELINGS meant something to a doctor (I will blog in depth at a later time). I was mad at the case manager; I felt she didn't listen to the real under lying issue. I can't explain it even here in this blog still today. So, when small behavior issues started in pre-k, I kept the mind frame that "Gage wants to please". There isn't anything "wrong" it is somewhat "normal" for a boy to be all over the place.
One day I got a phone call that would make any parents heart stop. Gage had been poking other children with thumb tacks. We are guessing that this was over a period of a month or more, before some parents were complaining about teeny tiny wounds like a needle mark on their kids. One day they caught Gage in the act and out of nowhere he grabbed a pair of scissors and ran. They tell me he went after several children, but was quickly unarmed him without incident. They told me I didn't need to be concerned. Well, I was VERY concerned and from there on out, (again I felt) we were the outcast of the preschool, except for one family. Praises to the Lord, they have been there for support and a good ear to cry my woes still today. They have 5 children; their oldest daughter has spina bifida. What amazing grace the whole family has. They too have three children with special needs and each one is so unique. We can relate so well. We were pregnant together which is kind of how we met – Her baby was due in March mine April. She had a girl and I had a boy, Jaden (April 29, 2000). Now I had three kids under the age of 5 (it was only a few weeks, but technically they were all under 5). Jaden almost needs his own blog too. I am going to wrap up this blog up for today.
The next blog should finish up the background information of where everything started to the best of my recollection. I named this Lions, tigers, and bears after the temperaments we had given to each child. Still to this day the temperaments are exactly as their labels. If you keep up – you should know which child fits which animal. Until next time – may this reach you and your family in good health, God bless.



Thursday, July 29, 2010

Oh, BOY is he cute!!!!

The two pictures along the side are of Gage, but they are photographed photos (are you following that?) right from a scrapbook page. They came out ok considering. Well, if I may be so bold – Gage was the cutest darned baby I had ever seen in my life. His features all were perfect right down to the peach fuzz on his adoring face. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a perfect nose, two eyes (beautiful blue) with long lashes, the cutest little ears, and well defined finger nails had me breathless and awed for weeks. But, before filling in the years to come – need to finish the abrupt finish of the day and week Gage was born.

Last I left you, with the picture of us running down the hallways of the hospital, nurse on gurney, doctor informing two hollow shells of parents to be (Shawn and I). I am terrified of needles, remember that nurse on the gurney? Yeah, well she was trying to insert TWO IV's. We all know how well doctors steer gurneys (they really should teach them in Medical school, but hey most of their patients are drugged when a gurney is involved, LOL). I believe I had a minor meltdown, but I don't know what happened (apparently, they got the IV line they needed).

I don't remember anything other than what I told you so far, so these thoughts are what people have told me happened. There was a problem in securing the ER at first, but that gave them some time to stabilize me (if the doctors had listened to me we would have probably NEVER reached life and death situation, NO,NO remember I am leaving stuff out of my log on purpose – yeah, lying comes to mind which is a good way to start a baby's life, STUPID doctor). Anyway, they took Gage (emergency c-sect) under general anesthesia and he was fine. I don't know his apgar scores, I just know someone told me numbers to appease me, (yeah, I guess it is ok for them to lie to me). He was a little jaundice, but nothing spectacularly wrong. It always comes back to me! When they were finished they brought the baby out to see the family and whisked him away for further testing and everybody was reunited with Gage soon after. I wasn't so lucky – I needed ICU care, but the baby isn't allowed to go up to ICU. They weren't sure I would try to pull through without contact with Gage. I was on massive amounts of Magnesium and had some sort of reaction not real clear on this and it was decided to set up a bay close to the nurse's station in Labor and Delivery like an ICU so Gage could come spend time with me when family came. When family came in to visit they had to get into full sterile garb with face mask (it wasn't for Gage's sake, it was to see me). I was in ICU for three days and I had no clue as to what happened, I woke up and I had this baby boy and I was the last person on the planet to know he arrived. Everyone knew what I had, what happened and I had no clue. On the fourth day, they starting pulling things – that was the first time family realized I was improving by leaps and bounds and within a few hours I was able to have my own room, but not allowed to hold Gage unless family or a nurse was with me the whole time. Day 5 and I just had ONE IV left and yay! I was allowed to get up out of bed – what the heck did they do? I felt like I was hit by a bus, ok maybe a train. Maybe getting out of bed wasn't such a great idea and there are people who get up the first day – I had 5 days, in bed no less. The doctor comes in and asks if I have help and YES, family not to far away – I had no idea he meant a 24 hour nurse. He goes over stuff very fast and my brain stops functioning when he tells me I lost 60 pounds in 3 days, AWESOME I am thinking. Well it is awesome if a nurse is caring for you, but I am going home to care for this NEW baby. Just where do you think those 60 pounds came from??? The nurses packed me a care package: which was super absorbent blankets, women care stuff, baby stuff, and etc. Well my first night home, well was quite the experience I was having night sweats – ok, I will be honest night pooling. Now, I understood why she packed me quite a few of those heavy blankets I needed to be changed every few hours and I couldn't get up by myself either. I swore I would never do this again. Moving off this topic to Gage's first few years. I am never going to do what got me into this mess again – I swore up and down.

So Gage's first year was quite the struggle. He cried almost all the way through it. They tell me he was a colicky baby and I never bought that. I mean he would cry and nothing – nothing would or could console him. He didn't enjoy being held, hugged or snuggled. When he wasn't screaming he was an absolutely happy baby. I loved those days. He reached most of his milestones late, but doctors kept pointing out that he was premature, just be patient. Gage started walking at around 17 months with difficulty, but again I was told to be patient. Gage had signs of lots of things and he was so young and I was constantly being told to "be patient". If you know me NOW, then you know; I knew long before this that we were headed towards major issues – so should we be patient and let it all pass by us and let them run amuck. Tune in next time for the last background pieces of information of Gage. He is 15 so I will ramble through stages pretty quick so I can post blogs that are current and less boring.

This blog was written while I was traveling on route 80 at about 65 miles an hour. We decided to stay overnight at a hotel (we have already switched rooms and it just not clean enough) to watch the baseball game and pick up Addison and hopefully get a visit in to see our dearest friend Pat and Norma.


 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I have what, you need to, what DELIVER???


Ok, last I left you with I was pregnant and due in July 1995. Yes, you did read that the doctor told me I couldn't conceive, but what wasn't mentioned that there were two other forms of protection involved ON TOP of not being able to conceive. I don't talk a lot about the main issue, but I had stage 4 abnormal cells and had surgery a few times – that is all I wish to discuss about that.

No need for that surgery now, and this should have been the last sign to question this doctor. I know what you are all thinking who in the world is this doctor? So we can avoid this group. Well, we never did anything legally, but I don't need any kind of slander suit now against us – it is best to let it go at this point. Just interview your group of doctors and really, really ask important questions of what ifs. If you don't feel comfortable in asking, then that group is NOT for you.Now, what???? We were beyond shocked and stunned. Everything goes fine (well, according to the doctor) until March. I was gaining (even when I didn't know I was pregnant) weight by the hour. I would go through a woman's size every few days (but, I wasn't eating more food) once I found out about the pregnancy I got maternity clothes. Thanks to all for the donations (yes, 15 years later I am still thanking you). So, March marched in and due to premature dilation I was forced on bed rest. But, not due to my weight gain or high blood pressure or other serious complaints I had (blurry vision, seeing stars occasionally, and some non-mentionable). 
Near the end of March, I was in minor (very minor, but everything seems so much worse when you're pregnant) rear end car accident (multiple cars) and I was taken to the hospital to be sure everything was ok. I had been pulled out of work a few days earlier for bed rest, they were preventing premature labor (who were they kidding). By the beginning of May I had gained over a 100 pounds and I was miserable. I could only sleep in the bathtub that was filled with water. Shawn would wake up and put warm water so I could sleep. Finally, May 23, 1995 I demanded that the doctor do something to help me, I was in so much pain (no not labor). Well, grudgingly, the doctor sent Shawn and I down to Morristown Memorial and the testing began. Now we are in Labor and Delivery, (like the ER) it seems like hours for anything to happen. It was like two hours before they drew my blood and another 5 (just sayin it was a long time) before the doctor had any results. We were having an ultrasound done when the doctor barged in through the doors and took my gurney and started running down the hallways of the hospital telling us how sick I am and that they had to take the baby no matter the development, it was to save my life – blah, blah, blah. I don't think at any point I thought about anything (I don't know what Shawn was thinking) – I think, we were too stunned for words or concern. At some point, a nurse had gotten on the gurney with me to prep me for surgery (while we are running in the hallway, well this is what I remember). If Shawn would like to post the blank spot, fine – I was pretty much unconscious for I think three days.
The next three days are a blur and I have no recollection. I had developed H.E.L.L.P syndrome (no have no idea what it means) which is like a severe form of toxemia. Anyway, several organs had shut down and stopped functioning or barely functioning. I knew something was wrong from the very beginning and the doctor thought I was leaving stuff out of my diet log book (and I wasn't missing anything, every morsel was counted for). Coulda, woulda, and shoulda, was my vocabulary for a long time. I was the worst surviving H.E.L.L.P patient Morris County has ever had and the 2nd in New Jersey. They had no idea if we, (the baby and or I) would show signs of the ordeal, just a wait and see game.

Oh, you want the information on the baby??? Well, it was a bouncing baby boy weighing in at 5.9 (which is amazing, the hospital was expecting under 5 pounds) and very healthy. He was released before I was. So, the pregnancy wasn't an expected plan through and through. The delivery was very much less planned, if that makes any sense, and today Gage is well … keep reading my blog. Regardless, Gage is here and made his statement during the entire process and still is. Until next time…

http://jagmom3d.blogspot.com/


Hello and welcome. There are so many reasons to why I decided to make our family pain out and in the open. It is like coming out of the closet. Please remember that we are a FAMILY, we have made huge mistakes, and that WE are under the care of doctors and therapist out the wazoo. Please do NOT use this blog to diagnose, treat, or use medication without the express permission of a licensed Psychiatrist or doctor.

I will start by breaking down our background information and hopefully I will be able to regularly start blogging. Again, not really looking for anything specific, I have tried everything else and maybe a regular log of stuff, will communicate to something to Gage and his brothers. Some people sing, some dance, I type. I have 3 or 4 hard drives filled with letters, but these letters are letters of anger, confusion, and a lot of pain. I haven't decided how I am going to plug those in, however, they are full of information.

Shawn and I, met in January 1987 and believe it or not it was a trip down to the N.J. shore and I was going on a blind date with his single friend at the time (whom I dated for many years, obviously it didn't work out, LOL). We became best friends and spent hours on the phone. I kept trying to fix him up with some friends and at some point thought "what am I stupid to let him be with someone else"? We got married August 28, 1994 and it was the best day of the beginning of the rest of my life. We had decided to wait to start a family (due to a doctor surprising diagnosis three weeks before we married) for at least two years, maybe more since we had just bought a foreclosure house. Supposedly, I wasn't able to conceive until after I had a procedure done and a year or so of healing following the procedure. No, problem.
September, October, were unremarkable – just loved being married. I was more than happy with a growing waistline to prove it. The procedure was set for middle of November, so when we were ready my body would be healthy and strong. NOT. Sometime during the pre-surgical testing, I was pregnant with a due date of July 3, 1995. WHAT??? HOW???

Tune in; next time for the rest of the background information