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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Who let the dog out

Hopefully this will be the last background blog. It is named Who let the dog out, because a lot of people want to know who let the dog out and often nobody admits to it. We are still wondering who let the dog out??? We were often told there is nothing wrong, but had all these problems. So who or what is to blame for all of this?

Gage enters kindergarten with classification of delayed speech and mild learning delay. I take him to a developmental neurologist and she orders special tests the results come back, Gage has a mild form of Cerebral Palsy (he is still walking on his toes) so we are sent to an orthopedist for AFO's, they work like a dream. They helped him keep flat foot for when he stands but, had a hinge for him to walk. This had been the third orthopedist we had been to and if we had known sooner than 5 years of age I think we would have done something legally with the doctor that ignored my complaints while I was pregnant.

First grade not anything spectacular happened. Half way through Gage's second grade we moved hoping for better services for Gage. We saw that he was struggling more, but getting less support from the school. Our new school district kept the IEP in place and I guess Gage fell through the cracks. All the other kids were maturing, but not Gage. We were still having toddler tantrums and they were getting worse and longer. Nobody said anything that the behaviors were inappropriate or said they thought there was something wrong – I was concerned. I didn't see anyone else's child behaving like they were 2 when they didn't get what they wanted. He also hung on to things for too long, like having a one track mind and when he didn't get what he wanted he had a complete meltdown. Then the meltdown escaladed into violent outbursts or throwing stuff or damaging property.

Fourth grade was a rough year. This was the first year Gage was going to have a male teacher and I was very excited about that. I was hoping that Gage would thrive with a male teacher, so I was looking for new beginning, however, Gage started being violent in school. I put in a request for an aide which was denied and shortly thereafter, Gage threw a book at a teacher and the corner of it hit a teacher in the temple. A few weeks later the district started interviewing for an aide for him. The violent outbursts started increasing and, in intensity. I called around and got a few resources that started at home crisis intervention and therapy. Family intervention graduated us and the services stopped. We fought and fought the school district to get Gage into another school to be able to handle the violent outbursts – we had to pull the court card to get what he needed. It was ridiculous.

Fifth grade was at a school for children/adolescences with emotional needs. It seemed to be working, but all of a sudden Gage's outburst became safety issues and he was hospitalized at CCIS for one week and then had two other hospitalizations (between January and August) at Summit Oaks hospital. We had to face reality that the situation wasn't getting better; Gage's behavior was becoming more eradicate and unpredictable. At one of his therapy sessions, he had gone outside in anger and brought in a 20' limb to hit the therapist with. The therapist said she "could no longer help Gage". Now, what??? Well, Shawn and I decided to call DYFS for help, since I was like a prisoner in my own home. Gage would go into school and say "mom/dad hit him" and guess who came to visit? We were tired and had nowhere else to go for help. We demanded they (DYFS) help and Gage was placed in a residential program. He spent two years there, which he then aged out. He really wasn't ready to leave the program, but there weren't any other options.

Gage came home September 2009. He has been home a year and a lot has gone on in just one year. Have I left out pieces of the puzzle? Absolutely! Not because I meant to or wanted to. There is certainly some private stuff that shouldn't be shared with the world, but the background information would take forever. Gage is now 15 and heading into his sophomore year of high school. He is at a school that caters to teens with emotional issues. SO, where are we today?? Every day is a struggle. We have to watch that we avoid certain words, try to redirect him like he is 3 years old, use time outs, and do the same schedule day in and day out (it is posted everywhere in the house). ALL important stuff has to be laminated so he can't destroy it. Certain issues have to be recorded to keep services. Last month he started hitting his bus driver while he was driving down route 10 with other kids in the car, all because he thought his bus driver was lying to him (and because they didn't file a report, we may be losing ALL of his services). Last week he grabbed the steering wheel when my mom was driving. The state wants me to take him to a therapist??? What are they out of their minds?? I won't drive with Gage in the car, not since he barreled over the seats to beat up Addison while I sat in traffic and couldn't do anything. I can't leave Jaden home alone yet, he is too young and he is diabetic. Gage's mood moves faster than the wind and it is hard to determine before stuff hits the fan. So for now, Gage is NOT a passenger when I am driving. Life is already difficult, but it is about to get worse.

Well, I just found out last Wednesday, that the CMO is going to drop Gage. I knew we were having a meeting, but what I didn't know was that the CMO's plan is to drop Gage's services because the STATE wants cases closed sooner than later. You know, I don't get the STATE of NJ – they don't want parents disciplining their children, but when the families need help they make it so difficult to get services, not to mention how SLOW they are to put them in place. My feelings on this matter will be my first controversial blog. I feel because we aren't allowed to parent our children properly, there is a huge risk that any child with that is unstable and or have emotional issues can go into any building and start shooting people, because they are angry.

Despite my rough life I NEVER thought of setting things straight by shooting or doing anything violent. So why is this happening today with children??? Stay tuned for my next series of controversial blog posts. Feel free to respond with your thoughts. When making your response please take responsibility for your own feelings and not slander other people for the way they feel. Some believe in spanking and others do not, this is a very controversial subject that I am not going to argue any point of who is right who is wrong. Just keep in mind that anyone that has a child, whether you gave birth or adopted they may have your last name and you think they belong to you, but really those children belong to the very state you live in – DO NOT even under estimate this statement at all – it is TRUE through and through. Those babies you hold don't belong to you – the state (you live in) OWNS them.

2 comments:

skye said...

I can't believe everything you have been through! Or should I say your family has been through! Wow. So sorry!

Anonymous said...

wow. I'm glad i read that, Diane. I didn't know how rough you've really had it. Reading this won't change anything between me and Gage in my eyes, being informed about this will probably only make me better friends with him. Hope for the best, that's all we can do.~ Brianna