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Sunday, March 20, 2011

Awe Struck

I don't spend my day rummaging through blogs - I should, because I love writing or venting my feelings in my posts. However, I occassionally come across a post that is just wrong or goes against what is right. I am just awe struck at what people put out there for others to see.

I know I put some questionable things out there, but I am working with many, many people in my home, I have doctors on-board, and absolute diagnosis. When my children are old enough, I want them to read what I was going through. I am not ashamed of my posts. I also want them to see that I wasn't focused just on our family life - that I can write about other things.

So recently, I came across a post about; Things better to do than listening to a tantraum and a few months ago, a post of a mom confessing she doesn't use her baby's car seat ALL the time. You instantly think, WTF? I am AWE struck to say the least!

First of all, NEVER ever allow your baby or child to ride in the car without a car seat. My 11 year old just met the weight, but when he turned 10 the doctor said he could go without a car seat. Yes, we faithfully used a car seat (we called it a booster seat) until then. Child safety should ALWAYS be paramount. Tantrums are par for the course of parenting, there is no way to avoid them, however, every parent should be well educated about what exceeds the extreme level of a tantrum. I mean if, a parent is thinking ill thoughts (or rather go through kidney stones, labor, lunch with Snooky or a vehicle being repossessed)- might be time to make sure it isn't something else. Firstly, taking a look at your time out technique is a must. If you are doing it wrong, there will be an increase in bad behavior and also cause parenting fatigue. Secondly and MOST important - the child may have an undiagnosed disability.

Some children have the audacity of extreme embarrassment at the wrong time, especially when we want them be shown off. In my experience, too many of those times, could be a sign of things to come. I want my readers to be well informed and know that there is help (well, if you are in the United States). If you are in need of any help, shoot me an e-mail under contact me or leave a comment. I can help find you some resources in your state. There is so much help out there that wording what you need can be the difference of receiving vs. having to deal with. It is a sea of information that is difficult, because you have to work and find it. Then stay on top of it. Yes, you would have to advocate for yourself, nobody will do it for you, but the state will be the first one to scoop your child out of your care and into the system. It only takes ONE time for the mis-communication.

I read so much, it shouldn't be a shock anymore - but, really when my child has a tantrum I can't think of anything else other than "How can I help him?" "What am I doing wrong?" "What happened earlier?" I am definitely not thinking of having a root canal, or hoping my vehicle gets repossessed. If the tantrums are that bad, then there is a problem. Here is a loose guide of how long or how far a child should tantrum: 12-15 month old - may have up to 12 bouts of crying, pouting, and usually no longer than 15 minutes or if the child starts having spastic breathing (there needs immediate intervention) 18-24 months NO more than 15-18 bouts of crying, pouting, stamping feet, holding their breath, throw themselves on the floor, etc., After 20 minutes of no change seek a professional for help. Usually with proper time out technique, tantrums fade just after 2.5 years, but if the tantrums are increasing and can hurt others - it is time to seek professional care. It is easier to help fix a child when they are young, so don't ignore or make fun of this type stuff. I have never personally videotaped an incident/episode with my bi-polar son. I would give fair caution to those who decide to.

With the technology today - anyone could use the footage for whatever the purpose of that minute. The professionals will NEVER need footage to help you or your child receive services. If there is a true problem, they will see through the act. I recommend no videotaping, you don't want the child to think the incident/episodes are WORTHY to keep around and then you won't worry about a sibling, cousin, friend, or anyone being able to get revenge at some point. These children/teens who have incidents/episodes wish they could respond to their triggers more appropriately.

Please email me if you would like some help in your area or leave a comment with your contact info.

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